First Blog Post Ever!

Oh looky here I started a blog, this is facinating already I can tell. I can't sleep at the moment and I usually just lie in bed and think but I figure, hey maybe if I write it down I will stop thinking about it and actually fall asleep. So.... I am going to ramble until I am tired, lucky you if you decide to read this you are in for a good time with your friend Ellie. Woot woot. This one I feel is going to be serious, don't you worry I can funny sometimes to. I have been thinking about life a lot lately, I have been through a lot in the last year, a lot of things that I can honestly say I am grateful for. Don't get me wrong, they were aweful and very painful but I have learned a lot along the way and I wouldn't trade those lessons for anything. I am in no way shape or form perfect I never will be, I don't think anyone ever is. However, I can be the best version of me possible and I think that is pretty cool.
If your reading this you probably know who I am so you know that my husband and I seperated this year while I was 3 months pregnant. Even though being denied by the person you love especially while pregnant is extremely painful, I am so thankful I was pregnant, I got the best blessing anyone could ask for my son harper. As far as I am concerned him and his brother kept me going when otherwise I may have just disappeared in my bed for a while. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, I had more support than anyone could have dreamed of. I realized from this experience that I am very blessed. Being nice and treating people with respect has a way of paying off when you need it the most.
I used to think that kindness was a weakness, because I listened to other peoples opinions about it, but I completely disagree with that now, I have thought about this and kindness is a strength, a very big strength. I could be angry and hate everyone that has ever done anything bad to me in my life but being kind to the person that hurt you the most is an extremly hard thing to do and something that most people can not do. It would have been so easy to be mean and hide in the hate and anger I felt. I learned (mostly because of my boys) that just because someone does something to you that is completely unfair and probably something that you didn't deserve doesn't mean you need to lose the person that you are.
People can do whatever they want to me in life, it is my decision how to deal with the trails that come and either learn from them or use them to make excuses about how aweful my life is. Trails are something that will define your life, they can do that in a positive way or in a very negative way. I refuse to change who I am just because someone may look at that as a weakness. Yes I have been angry and hurt and confused. I still feel hurt and confused most of the time but life is to short to let that anger, hurt and confusion define who I am as a person.
I like being nice so I am going to be nice, however if your one of those people that think that just because I am nice you can take advantage of my kindness, think again. I still have boundries, I will be nice to you but if you want something that is unreasonable from me because you think I will just be nice about it and you wont have to deal with the consiquences of your actions you are living in a dream. I am done letting other people control my life, I have done that for far to long and it has made me feel hollow and empty inside. The last 7 months I have learned to be happy on my own and make decisions because I genuinely want to.
I have also worked on my honesty, I am not hiding who I am just because you may not agree with the person that I am. I like me, I have always liked who I am. If you want to be a part of my life because you enjoy being around me then cool, but dont come into my life thinking that you need to change me, what you see is what you get if you don't like that then stay away. I am not perfect I am who I am, not everyone will like who I am that is why there are so many people on this planet because we are not all going to get along or chose to live the same lifestyle as someone else.
If you are part of my life its because I feel blessed to have you as part of my life, I will put as much effort into a friendship as you want to and as much effort as I am comfortable with. Please stop taking advantage of the people that are kind and loving, it is such a rare thing to find these days and most kind people are tainted by someone who was selfish and decided to take advantage. I will always try to see people for the best person they can be and find a way to enjoy and learn from having that person in my life.
I love my family and friends so much, I know everyone says that. I am so grateful for the love and support I have it is very rare that someone can say that they have a lot of true friends. I believe that if you are kind and treat others the way you want to be treated you will be rewarded. Yes if you are kind then you will get hurt, and you will get taken advantage of by the people who see kindness as a weakness and it may taint the person that you are, all I ask is that you try not to lose who you are, over someone elses selfish decisions. Being hurt sucks but only you can decide what you do with the pain you feel from being betrayed. I am choosing to still look at people for the best person they can be but I am going to be more careful about who I trust with my heart. I will not be pushed around but I am not going to be angry and spiteful because of the things that happened to me. I am just going to be me, if you see that as a weakness or as me not having respect for myself, then you don't get it and you probably never will, have fun taking advantage of the kind people its only going to make you feel alone and empty in the end because eventually everyone sees you for who you are, you can only hide your true self for so long before everyone eventually sees it. The truth always has a way of showing itself, if you are the person you want to be and you are considerate with your actions then you will have nothing to be ashamed of.
That doesn't mean you wont make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes if you don't think you do then either you don't get out much or your lying to yourself. Its what you do with your mistakes that shows the kind of person you are. You can either blame everyone else for the mistakes you made or take responsibility for your actions, move on and become a better person because of them.
I am done rambling now, I will probably ramble again soon. Good night miss you already.