Honesty about Pain

Oh how I appreciate honesty. Especially when it is about the embarassing or painful things in your life, why? because then you know your life is as screwed up as everyone elses is. I have found that most people who brag about what an awesome time they are having with life are not happy and they are hiding behind some fake front to make others believe how cool they are. I apologize this post is probably not going to be very uplifting because I am not in the best mood at the moment, I decided to come here and post to vent my anger frustration and pain. Why should I have to hide from everyone that I am still in pain from the things that have happened to me. My wish is not to talk down about anyone or bash on anyone, I don't find that productive at all, most people who hide the special kind of bastard that they really are, end up showing their true colors and they can have the superficial friendships that they build to make themselves feel better while hiding the person that they really are. If everyone was honest life would be so much easier. I can not tell you how big of a relief it is when someone is honest with me. If the honesty that your sharing is going to hurt someone else then you probably have a reason to be ashamed but wouldn't it just be easier to say " hey I screwed up, I am not proud of it (or you are depending on what kind of morals you have) sorry it effected you I will do what I can to not make that mistake again". Yes that honesty would hurt, but in the long run it would be nice. This is not in my character at all but screw it FUCK selfish people. I am not talking about a particular person just the whole group of people that only think about themselves. Why is it that someone could spend their whole life being kind to others and get taken advantage of so much. It is a rare thing in this world to find someone who is truely a good person and worth spending your time with. I have been working on honesty and being upfront, it has helped me out quite a bit, I still have a lot to learn because I am obviously still hurting. I said I wasn't perfect I am at a point in my life where I am questioning everything I have ever believed in, my life has turned upside down and I hope I come out of it a better person, but I can not tell you that I will, I feel like I am losing it and you know what thats ok, I need to lose it at the moment. I talked to my brother the other day, and he is a very good person to talk to he told me life is what it is, its not fair and sometimes you just need to lose your mind. I think that is very good advise so I am allowing myself to lose it I am going to stop my emotions from taking me where I need to go to heal from this hell hole of a year I have had. The love I have is unconditional, I can't help that, that's who I am. To bad I have wasted that love on people who don't appreciate it. I need to give that love to myself at the moment sorry friends and family I am stretched to thin at the moment I am snapping, I will come back from this, probably tomorrow but for this moment peace out I am sick of hearing you complain about a life that most of the problems you have came from your own doing. Actions speak louder than words, if your an asshole your actions show that your an asshole no matter what your words are saying or how sorry you feel. I hope your happy with the person you have become, and that you feel good about the people you have hurt with your actions, because your obviously doing something that is helping you sleep at night, good for you. Now leave me alone. To all the people that have been there for me through the hardest time I have ever had in my life, thank you, you are among the few good people that I have come across and you know who you are, you have always been there when I needed you the most and thats what a true friend is not superficial. Seriously thank you. To all the people that have contributed to making my life a living hell and helping stomp me down into the hole that I am trying to dig myself out of, thank you for showing me that life is not a fairytale and that you can not trust even the people you love the most. This will make me stronger but right now I am to hurt to look at the positive. Keep telling your lies that help you feel like a better person so you can sleep at night and have fun with your new friends that you will learn to take advantage of in some way. Sincerely, the doormat you got sick of and gave away.